Must Haves

I was reading something just now about the wildfires in California way back in 2007, the person was talking about how they had ten minutes to grab the things they wanted with them when they evacuated. It arose the question in my mind: What would I take, if I had 10 minutes to grab anything in my room, running the risk of never seeing the other stuff again?

Here's what I think I've decided:

My Journals (as many of them as I can grab...)

A few of my most favorite books

Letters and cards that I've received

CD's

My teddybear

Sentimental jewelry

Clothes

My quilt

Pictures etc. from around the frame of my mirror

And probably handfuls of things that I shove in a bag for lack of knowing what else to get.

It's amazing how difficult it is to look around a room and pick your Can't-Live-Without's. I don't know whether that's a good sign as far as materialism is concerned; or whether it's not good because I feel like I'm ignoring something right in front of my face which, later, when it's too late, I'll regret not having?

It certainly gives you something to think about: What can't I live without?

Obviously nobody wants to be faced with the choice, but it's interesting to consider.

Dee

Stress

I'm tired of being Okay and Happy and Fine. Not that I've had to force myself to smile or to make conversation about what happened during your day, but I'm ready to just be sad if I want to be. I don't want to feel like I can't let stress weigh me down. Look I'm a little bit stressed, and it's making me tired and maybe a little unhappy..., but that's okay.
Why shouldn't I be able to say Look, I feel like sitting in my pajamas listening to sad music.
I know that the way to eliminate stress is to get the things done that are stressing you out. But isn't it just easier to avoid them? Hm maybe not.

Do I allow myself right now to be tired, and to go to bed? Knowing that tomorrow, no matter how good my intentions, I will end up not being nearly as productive as I ought to be? But wouldn't it be better to sleep now, that way I don't stress over not understanding what I'm trying to do and then going to bed later, more tired and more stressed out?
I could sleep now, and then tomorrow I can wake up earlier than I have been, that way I will be able to start doing homework before I get tired and thus stressed out. Also, if I start doing homework earlier in the day, then I can get more done.  Alright, I can do this.

Tomorrow I Will Not Procrastinate.

I think I just talked myself out of doing homework....

"Insanity is doing something over and over again and expecting different results."
Dee

I Resolve

New Year's Eve is one of the best holidays, I think.  It's a worldwide celebration of the beginning of something new.  It's a good feeling to shed the old habits of 2010 and begin the fresh unknown of 2011.
It's the same principle of what I said about the beginning of every new month feeling Fresh - magnified.
FRESH

Anything can happen, it's a brand new start to Everything.  We make commitments, most that we end up breaking, but that's half the fun of coming up with a resolution.  Knowing that in six months you won't remember it.  I think that's why we often come up with such silly or far-fetched ones.  One of mine was to Be More Manly.  Another one is to Be More Independent.  Realistically only one of these will happen.  I didn't resolve to become more manly for any particular reason other than it popped into my head on New Year's Eve.

I Resolve to:
Get accepted into college
Be more independent
Make "want to" lists instead of "to do" lists

Good luck and celebrate good times past,
Dee

To Be

I like being the only person awake late at night because it's quiet.

It's warm and dark, and I can dance around and watch whatever I want on TV and do silly things without feeling silly because I know nobody's about to walk through the room.  It's quiet, so I'm quiet.  I don't have to turn the TV up over the noise of people living, and I don't feel the need to add to the clutter of noises when I'm messing around in the kitchen.  I feel like a ghost, but insanely alive. 

There's a good feel in the house when I'm dancing in the living room watching TV.

Not concerned, just Being.

I feel like I'm the only person awake right now in the world.  I can do whatever I want.

I am in control.

Part of me doesn't want to go to sleep.  To turn out the lights and lay in the dark listening to my own thoughts.  Waiting for sleep to take my mind.  To wake up remembering images from dreams, to hear people Clattering around and moving.  Doing.  To wake up and be disoriented, my senses being forced to react. 

Light and sounds of day.  The coldness of air against my awakened skin, and the stale smell of sleep bottled in my small room.  An overload of life.

No longer in the peaceful Standstill of Time and the way it passes in fragments during the night, as if it isn't passing at all.

It's as if our unconscious is right, when we're asleep we don't feel time passing.  Except perhaps very, very slowly and imperceptibly.

When we're awake when everyone's asleep, it is the same.
Dee