I like being the only person awake late at night because it's quiet.
It's warm and dark, and I can dance around and watch whatever I want on TV and do silly things without feeling silly because I know nobody's about to walk through the room. It's quiet, so I'm quiet. I don't have to turn the TV up over the noise of people living, and I don't feel the need to add to the clutter of noises when I'm messing around in the kitchen. I feel like a ghost, but insanely alive.
There's a good feel in the house when I'm dancing in the living room watching TV.
Not concerned, just Being.
I feel like I'm the only person awake right now in the world. I can do whatever I want.
I am in control.
Part of me doesn't want to go to sleep. To turn out the lights and lay in the dark listening to my own thoughts. Waiting for sleep to take my mind. To wake up remembering images from dreams, to hear people Clattering around and moving. Doing. To wake up and be disoriented, my senses being forced to react.
Light and sounds of day. The coldness of air against my awakened skin, and the stale smell of sleep bottled in my small room. An overload of life.
No longer in the peaceful Standstill of Time and the way it passes in fragments during the night, as if it isn't passing at all.
It's as if our unconscious is right, when we're asleep we don't feel time passing. Except perhaps very, very slowly and imperceptibly.
When we're awake when everyone's asleep, it is the same.
Dee
Dee
