Confidence?

I'm afraid of making a fool of myself.
If I feel like I'm going to fail at doing something new, or doing something in front of people, especially people whose opinions I care about, I will most likely talk myself out of doing it.  I refrain from saying a lot of things because I'm afraid that people will laugh or judge me.  I don't like people to doubt me or challenge something I'm saying.  I understand we may have different opinions and I'm okay with that, a good debating conversation can be fantastic.  But look, what I'm saying is the truth, it's not just an opinion and it's not just what I think should happen.
I think this holds me back when I'm writing, sometimes.  I start thinking about how my friends and especially my family will react and then I worry that what I'm doing could be better.  Then I worry about my writing being sub-part.  If you were to compare it to somebody else's writings, I automatically assume you think theirs is better.  I assume theirs is better.

This feels unfinished....
Happy Halloween
Dee

The Most Wonderful Time of the Year

Fall always makes me want to write.

I get so inspired by everything, the upcoming holidays, the food, the weather, the smells.  I start to feel really productive on the first honest to God cold front, and from there it just escalates.  

You can't help but to feel refreshed in the middle of October.  You feel like patting yourself on the back.  "Look what I just made it through, over 100 degrees during the day!"  Not to mention the hurricanes and tropical storms that you may have encountered.  But then autumn hits and it's like none of that happened.  You're here now, wearing jeans and not sweating, and the air smells sweet. 

Springtime is when you're supposed to feel refreshed and revitalized.  You just made it through a bleak winter, and now you get to start new!  That's when most people open all the doors and windows and start cleaning out their closets.  Not me, spring is when I realize that I have to start digging out my shorts.  Fall is when I throw open the windows and scrub down my baseboards.  I have an insane urge to clean in October.  I want everything looking nice so it's not messing with my mood.  Then you get to really enjoy the season.  You have jeans, you have sweaters, you have soup, and you can drink a hot cup of coffee on the porch without feeling a little crazy. 

After you enjoy it for a little while, then the anticipation sets in.  Look at all that I have to look forward to from here on out.  As soon as people start decorating for Halloween, and talking about what they're going to dress up as, and where they're going, you know the Holiday Season has begun.  From now until the January its' a steady dose of occasions.

Halloween kicks it off, obviously, at the end of October, and then in November, before you can even start thinking about sweet potato casserole, you have three or four birthdays.  Alright, now we can get onto a fantastic week of Thanksgiving at Grandma's house.  Whew!  Then it's immediately time for all things Christmas.  This is when everything kicks up a notch.  The whole month of December is Christmas.  Baking and decorating and cooking and planning and more decorating.  Buying and wrapping and eating and baking and waiting, and waiting, and then December 25th is finally here!  And then it's gone.  But look at all this junk you have now!

Even after that's over, you have New Year's to look forward to.  Even if you don't do anything completely outrageous, and even if you're not a big fan of football, its a good transitional holiday after what you've been through.  And it's a big sigh of relief to make it into the next year.

I can't wait.

Dee

Alrighty Then

I haven't been writing.  It's because I'm either lazy, or I think I'm busy from years of being lazy.

Anyways, October is turning out to be as fantastic as I was hoping, with a few side effects of procrastination.  And I've decided that I would like to start writing more.  I need direction when I'm writing, or else everything will turn into me rambling about whatever.  That's not what I want.
Also, I'm ready to take an English class again.  I don't particularly love any aspect of school, but I especially 100% prefer English classes over math classes.  But I'm stuck for another two months.

xxx
Dee

Commitment Issues

Sometimes I'll start a really good post, and the first few sentences are great.  Then I'll lose my train of thought, or it turns out my point wasn't that strong.  So I'll save the post in my drafts, hoping to go back to it later.

I have several unfinished posts in my drafts.

Goodnight.